she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
