I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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