I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
