I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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