Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
