You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
