so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
