I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
