I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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