I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
