Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
