I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize