you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dick very happy bro
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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