We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
