She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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