Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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