we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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