Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize