why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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