There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize