I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
