apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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