sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is Oprah even human
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
