Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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