Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize