Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
