Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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