my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Congratulations! We have a period
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
