is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
