why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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