watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
