10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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