the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
