Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
