he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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