vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
