if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
zippers are such a cool invention
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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