how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize