You made me cry and you don't even care
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
