the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize