there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize