Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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