is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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