OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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