Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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