I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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