I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
