Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
