he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
