Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
