i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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