I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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