why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
