Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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