WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
