I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
