the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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