a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize