I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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