It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
