I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
