well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
