Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
