I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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