It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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