My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
