Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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