She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
