Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Houston, we have a squirter
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
