Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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