just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize