Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
