the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
