before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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