Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
