Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
