guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
