all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
