yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
