Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
