I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
