Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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